Sign of Times to Come?

I don’t want to sound like a cracked or broken record (I mean those old black 32 rpm discs that were used in Grundig gramophones. When I hear of ‘sound boxes’ or in more modern term ‘boom boxes’, the picture that forms in my mind is that of such granddad black record disc plates) but perhaps it’s only fair to let you know that Danju’s confirmation went without any hitches.

It seemed a bit odd to see teenagers in North America stand up to respond to quizzes from the Bishop. I thought they said we are a liberal generation. It’s interesting how we tweak definitions and universal beliefs to suit our mood of the day. A bishop was to preside over the day’s event at Mass (‘church’ or ‘worship’to all non-Catholics) and so the confirmandi class was told that as a mark of respect they had to stand when responding to questions from the bishop. Does this smirk of hypocrisy? Yet once the event was over, the same students were free to sit or if they were already standing, were free to have their hands in the often sagging pants (now this issue of sagging trousers will be the story for another day) when talking with those much older than themselves. Do I smell hypocrisy.
I am not about to pontificate (my kids think I’m guilty of that already at home) but growing up back in Nigeria (please don’t tell me it was a different world at that time) you got the scolding of your life if you displayed any mannerisms that were considered disrespectful or infradig... It could range from raising your voice, talking back, daring to eye-ball the older person admonishing you, having your hands in the pockets of your trousers etc. The list was endless. Call it ‘abuse’ of the young person and I’d say I beg to differ! Those were the values that have stayed with some of us up to this point.
I have a Nigerian flag right at the entrance to my home and it ‘tells’ my children that once you step in through the door, you are in ‘Nigeria’ and the rules are different. I believe in giving kids two basic gifts - wings and roots. Wings- so they can aspire to the full potentials of their God given talents. Roots- because they should never forget whom they are and where we come from.
The children and I took another step today in our spring cleaning exercise and it was a pure team effort.
As I write, they are all away at a youth party in honour of their youth coordinator who’s moving to another assignment. Good for them.
What it also means is that I am all by myself, home alone. With the wifey so far away, I am thinking is this how it will all be at some point in life when the children are all grown and gone? It will just be us alone, older and hopefully healthy enough to carry on with the activities of daily living (no swine flu or SARS or any such pandemic. I sincerely hope). Life is indeed a circle. You are born, you go through life and then the hens come home to roost, you go back to your creator.
As I continue to meditate (what else should I be doing at such a time?) I thank you for keeping a date with this blog. Let me go go pick the children from the youth party.

We’d keep sharing.. Good night.

Canada –Nigeria-Canada-USA-Canada : all in three weeks!

I have just walked in through the door following a three day trip to Dallas,TX. I am beginning to feel like Gulliver (as in Gulliver’s Travels) or Ajala ( as in Ajala whom the stories have it travelled all over the ‘world’)
For the past three weeks, I have virtually lived out of a suitcase and have gone from Canada to Nigeria (touching many cities as we went for my father-in-law’s funeral) back to Canada (resting for a couple of days) before jetting off to the States on Monday this week and returning to Canada this evening. In all of this, my kids have been very supportive and loving.
If you are wondering why I went to Dallas, I will tell you. It definitely was not a tea party. As a matter of fact, it was both obligatory and out of sibling love. My younger sister (I hope I have her permission to mention this) was to have a surgical procedure and as the head of our family in the Northern Hemisphere, I had to be with her as she was wheeled into the operating room. So to Dallas I went.The surgery went well and she has been discharged and is now recuperating at home. To God be the glory both for a successful surgery and for journey mercies. While she was in hospital, it was great to experience some outpouring of love from her friends and colleagues. At some point, her room did look like a flower shop. Her team from work was both interesting and intriguing. They were very expressive and to the point. Should I have been surprised? Perhaps not, knowing they were all recruiters and probing is part of how they make their money. I thank them ( forgive me if I omit or misspell some names - Gayle, Thyaniga, Kim, Phyllis) for taking the time to visit with my sis in hospital.
Before my Dallas trip, I had mentioned that Danju was preparing for his confirmation which comes up this Sunday and that a pre-confirmation rehearsal was scheduled for Saturday last week. It is with a great feeling of joy spiced with a tinge of humility that we went to the same suit store where ‘old ranger’ shops for his suits to get a pair of suits for Danju’s confirmation. My little guy is fast becoming a man! Soon we would be sharing many more items (he’s the second tallest in our nuclear family and his becoming the tallest is only a matter of time) and scheduling who drives what car.
This is a good part of the Diary of a Loving Daddy and I can only dream of many more good parts to be experienced as we journey through life.
It’s nice to be back and we shall keep the updates.

"The Bases are Loaded"

Yesterday was an odd day at the gym and left me wondering whether it was just a one off or is my biological clock begging for some attention.
I did my stretches as always and then set about working my triceps with the cable pull downs as a first program. Funnily I was out of sorts and could only pull a fraction of my usual limit. I waved it off and tried again. Same result! Finito! I was done. I went home wondering whether the time has finally come to slow down or what. Those who know me know that I love to hit the gym. It is like an addiction. So I was not a happy camper yesterday. I went home and resolved to go back today and see what happens.
Relief relief. I went back to the gym today and it was a whole new ball game. Was in my usual elements and hit the weights hard. I feel much better.
I got a request yesterday from my realtors for a market review meeting and today we met. Our discussion ranged from the mundane to the sublime covering such areas as recent real estate market movements, competitive action ( of other similar homes being listed in Oakville), how to pre-empt competitive action etc. We talked about SunTzu’s – “the art of war” and also of Buy-Ology by Martin Lindstrom (not sure if I got the spelling right.) Now you are wondering where all this is leading to? Is it not just selling of a home? It is all of that and more. When you consider that a home is perhaps the biggest single ticket item most households ever get to buy, then you can excuse all the energy (both mental and physical ) going into this decision. Finally after going back and forth a few times, we reached an agreement for a minor (is 5% really minor when the base figure is in six digits?) downward price adjustment. In simple language, we just cut our price by 5%!
By the time this meeting was over, I was running late to get home and fix lunch for Sampi and Papa. What a shame! I put a metal to the pedal and was home in a heart bit. Despite all my best efforts, I arrived four minutes after Sampi had left for her baby sitting job. I owe her one now.
Sampi and I have just returned from grocery shopping and by the way she and I had a lengthy daddy/daughter chat in the car because of a party invite she came to seek permission for. Teenagers! Teenagers! If only they could see as a far as some parents can. The good thing is that we both agreed at the end why this was one party to miss.
Danju has his confirmation rehearsal tomorrow and Papa also has his football practice tomorrow as well, both events taking place at opposite ends of the Halton Region. To avoid cutting it close, we had to do an inventory this night to be sure nothing fell through the cracks. This included getting Papa’s football helmet adjusted and his new mouth guard to fit his teeth. We also took care of what healthy snacks to take with us and what waste-free lunch to prepare.
The above done, it was time to pray and persuade the children to get some sleep instead of watching TV or playing nintendo Wii or Xbox 360. Not an easy persuasion if you have kids of their ages. Since Sampi will be home tomorrow while I’m out with the boys for the two events mentioned earlier, the lot of spring cleaning the basement fell on her.
The boys and I will pitch in and also clean the garage on our return.
It’s a loaded calendar as you can see, so I need to go catch some rest too and dear Diary will be back tomorrow. Good night.

The Calm after the Storm

The children went back to school today after the Easter break and it was as if mother nature smiled on them with a 9 degrees centigrade clear weather. On my part I was crunching some numbers at my desk and arranging receipts and other supporting documents- duh it’s tax season. My least favourite part of the year! It has been said that only two things are constant in North America – death and taxes. There’s no escaping both.
I was mid way into that activity when the phone rang. It was the real estate agency. Not again!!! Someone wanted to see the house for 2.30pm and a second prospect would like to come in at 5pm. Do I really have any choice in this matter, after I was the one that agreed to list our home. So quickly I did the routine checks and drove to Millbank park to give them room for the 2.30pm showing.
Papa and Sampi got back at 3pm and by 3.30pm Sampi was off for her newly found two-hour baby-sitting job at our neighbour’s. Oh I forgot to tell you. Our neighbours have two young kids Jake and Avery and with their mum returning to work, there was the issue of who would stay with the kids when they got off school at 3.30pm until 5.30pm when either of their parents would get home. Sampi had done some baby-sitting before so when the neighbours came calling, it was a fairly easy decision for me and for Sampi, the fact that it came with ten bucks an hour was not bad at all. So Sampi now has a job for every day of the week minus weekends. That also means that she has to manage her time effectively so that her chores at home would not suffer. Talk of building character, this is how it starts.
The two other events of note today were Sampi going for her youth activities at church and Papa’s football (not soccer please) practice this evening for 2 hours. It was the full works with complete equipment, drills and some scrimmage. For those of us who live on this side of the hemisphere, no game beats what is often called “America’s game”. There is the popular saying that you should never come between a man and his football. Do I hear my fellow Canucks asking what has come over me. For Canadians, it is ice hockey. To the best of my knowledge, it is the only professional sport where fisticuffs is allowed until someone is knocked to the ice. The only game with legal enforcers and where a broken nose or an incomplete dentition is a mark of true glory. That is our game and my team is The Leafs! Most people outside of North America would scoff at both football and ice hockey as two very violent sports. We say competitive and physical. Both bring out the passion in us and with a full dose of adrenalin.
With this we come to the end of the Diary for today. Sleep tight and see you all tomorrow.

Some Scary Moments

We got back to the warm embrace of our children in Oakville after a short lay over in Lagos. Talking of Lagos, I must record my gratitude to Kamar, whom I like to call in full - Kamarudeen Bakrin going back to our days as colleagues in Colgate Palmolive for responding positively to my request at very short notice the night I got to Oniru estate. Col Ibim Lawson of the Military Police was very kind in donating his personal car and driver to take me to the airport. It was a very emotional reunion with my former team in the wealth management group in Ikoyi.
The flight back to Toronto through Amsterdam and Detroit was largely uneventful. My poor angels - Sampi, Danju and Papa were real troopers and held the forte on the home front just as they promised they would. God bless their young hearts.
Early on holy Saturday, we tidied up the house for yet another house showing, now this is getting real serious. I mean when will we get a reasonable offer on the house so we can get our lives back. So to IKEA we went for brunch and thereafter I dropped off at Appleby football field with Papa for his weekend practice. Siya, Sampi and Danju then ran along for grocery shopping.
Easter Sunday was warm and nice. Lunch was sumptuous and tasty. At times one wonders how the farmers get the poultry so big. The turkey was so big that getting it out of the oven was a major event. This though was one fight I had to win and win it I did.
Siya's flight back to her Edmonton base was initially scheduled for 8.00 am on Easter Sunday but to get more family time, we changed it to an evening departure. With lunch over we drove to Pearson International for Siya's six hour flight to Edmonton through Calgary.
You can therefore imagine how scary it was for us when the phone rang at about 6.15am EST (which is 4.15am Edmonton time) and the voice at the other end asking if Siya was still in Oakville because she was yet to arrive the home where she stays in Edmonton. If she were a truant teenager, I could have assumed she was up to some pranks. Phone calls to her sister in Ottawa and a physical check of her room by her host family did not provide any clues as to her whereabouts. My anxiety was heightened when the airline confirmed the flight had landed in Edmonton the night before at about 11pm. Now it was time to let the kids (who were still sleeping) know their mum was 'missing in transit'. I thereafter contacted the cops. The challenge was how to classify my report. Was it a case of a runaway adult or a missing person? The police service in charge of Pearson International airport was notified and so was the Edmonton police. A search had begun stretching from Ontario to Alberta. The kids and I were on standby and so was my friend in Edmonton, Omodu.
A couple of minutes after 10am, it was Omodu again on the phone. Siya had been found, alive and safe! She said she got off the airplane and not wanting to come knocking on their door at such an unholy hour, had checked into a hotel and tried calling Omodu's family but the voice mail was full. If only she had bothered to call us in Oakville this mild drama perhaps could have been avoided. We all hope the lesson is not lost on us.
With the end of today's scary moments, I say bye for now.

Cold Treatment and Confusion

With the funeral over, I stayed back at my in-law's for one additional day to provide some support for my spouse. I think I need to offer some background info at this point. Since my father-in-law passed on to eternal glory on March 9, I was yet to see Siya (that's my pet name for my wife) shed a tear as one would expect of someone who's lost a parent. I know she's grieving internally but some outpouring of emotions is also healthy. I was therefore ( and I still am) concerned that all the pent up grief could explode anytime and that could be a lethal situation. So I stayed back at my in-law's such that if Siya broke down, I would be within easy reach to lend a hand.
Meanwhile, she was showing signs of mood swings. One minute she would avoid eye contact with me and the next she would point me in the direction of a room in the event that I needed to 'turn in'. It breaks my heart to see her this way. I feel even worse and incapacitated not knowing how to impact her heart and mind at this time. There is also a part of me that is wondering whether she is mad at me or if all of this is her reaction to the loss of her dad.
Out of frustration, I called Sampi, Danju and Papa in the hope that hearing their voices would contribute to a Positive Mental Attitude which I was desparately looking for at that point. I just could not wait for the day to end and end it did eventually. Phew...
The next day - Palm Sunday began rather slowly. You had the odd trickle of visitors who missed the funeral of the day before but who wanted to register their condolences nonetheless. Some it would seem out of political correctness and others displaying a more sincere mien. The hours went so slowly and I took to praying silently to occupy my mind and also beg for God's forgiveness for missing Mass on Palm Sunday.
About 3pm, I set out to catch a cab for Onitsha so I could go make the rounds and thank my kinsmen for honouring me with their attendance at my father-in-law's funeral.
Siya meanwhile was on her way to go reconcile accounts with the local equivalent of the beer store and LCBO combined for the drinks used during the funeral. I think it was pure providence because I got to the Okigwe park and there was not a single cab in sight for me to rent.
I must thank Hyacinth the driver who had been seconded albeit temporarily by 'Igwe Nwanyi' to assist Siya with her runs during the whole period of the funeral. He it was who eventually took me on the two hour long journey back to Onitsha. Please do not ask me about the state of the roads. We got to Onitsha safely and poor Hyacinth had to make the journey back to Ihube where Siya was.
Siya joined me in Onitsha at my parent's home the next day. On Tuesday we made a 'pit stop' to His Majesty the Obi of Onitsha to thank him for his continuing royal support and that of Igwe Nwanyi before heading to Enugu to board the Aero flight that took us to Lagos.
Keep a date with the Diary and more will follow as we take you through our journey to 'Eden'.

Caveat: You are reading this now because it was written when I was on the road with limited access to the internet and so is being published late.

Wake keeping and Funeral

It was a bee hive of activities in my father-in-law's country home (cottage to some of you who have lived in North America for too long) with arrangements in full swing for the wake keeping which was to hold that night of Friday April 3.
It was quite an experience. My father-in-law died an ECK member and faithful . The 'eckists' (I hope that's safe to say) were there in their numbers to honour one of their own; and honour him they did. It was an all night wake keeping complete with sing-songs, HU chants, testimonies, dances both modern and traditional. I had attended an ECK wedding before (that of my friend and brother-in-law Onoch to his lovely Kezzy) and now I was witnessing an ECK wakekeeping with an ECK funeral soon to follow the next day.
As we got tired, we stole away to go get some shut eye and like Tonnie had told me, at funerals, people sleep wherever they find space. So I secured a sofa to myself and old ranger slept as the main character did in the movie "Our man Flint" but this time with my shoes on as well. It was fun.
Early on the D-day, I had a shower,brushed my teeth, changed my pants and shirt for a traditional attire and filed out to the field where the funeral worship was to take place. In attendance were the academia, retired officers and gentlemen, in-laws from Onitsha (yes my people, complete with a dance troupe accompanied by my parents and kinsmen), Okpila, Mbaise, Uzoakoli, Owerri etc. Distinguished Lords from Corsica, Kingmaker, SONA, Okwudili Enendu and many others.
Prof as I called him when he was with us, was going home in style. He had earned it. He deserved it. I will still keep my promise of dedicating a full day of this blog to him in honour and recognition of his academic prowess. I will .
At this point though, I must thank all who have paid tributes to this erudite scholar whose death is a great loss to Nigeria. For all those who sent in tributes and whose tributes could not be captured in the publication that was circulated on April 4, 2009, I say you have not gone unnoticed. Mine met with the same fate too. If you want to refresh your mind on the many tributes, go to "Celebrating the Life of Professor Adiele Afigbo" on the Facebook web site. It may not be in my place to say, but please accept my gratitude.
I must now go get some rest as I am still travelling in Nigeria and as a matter of fact, have just arrived Lagos aboard an Aero airplane from Enugu.
Thanks for keeping a date with the Diary of a Loving Daddy. Expect more.

From Toronto to Ihube

So having gone through Customs and Immigration, I boarded the flight out of Pearson International. As if rewarding me for taking the leap of faith in leaving my children on their own, I got bumped up into the Executive Business Class on the first leg of the trip. This was without my asking for it and also without a dent on my frequent flyer points. Not bad at all. Did I speak too soon? I had just settled in nicely into my seat and was about getting my welcome glass of juice, when the guy sitting next to me knocked the glass over and unto my laps. Boy....
since my seat belt was already strapped on, I could not move fast enough to escape the 'shower' so I got soaked. Now imagine for a moment how I would have looked with orange juice dripping down my pants and both the culprit and the flight attendants offering their apologies. Eventually I got wiped down sort of and ended up smelling like orange juice until I arrived Nigeria after yes about 23 hours!
I slept in my Lekki apartment that night and very early on April 2, got a cab, did some banking transactions (not with the 'happy bank' that is still denying me access to my chequing account in the name of sorting out some minor issues) and raced to catch a flight to Enugu where I stayed overnight and worked the phone reminding my friends, associates, acquaintances et al about not allowing me "walk alone" during my father-in-law's funeral.
On April 3, I continued by road this time to Onitsha to see my folks and be reassured that the long list of items required of me towards the funeral had all been bought and delivered to my in-laws. While in Onitsha, I saw my youngest brother Uche for the first time since January this year following his return from from India where he had gone for a surgery on the lower part of his spine. This was a surgery that he was told that had he not had it when he did, he would have been paralyzed in his left leg by now. I saw the scars of the stitches and felt the brace he currently wears to hold up his spine. Now you ask me about counting our blessings. My very good friend (he qualifies to be called my brother in the Diaspora) Tonnie whom I call 'Kingmaker' came calling from Asaba to teach me a thing or two about handling extended in-laws during a funeral. Like he humorously added, he is experienced, as he has lost both his mum and dad prior. God bless this guy.
I also worked the phones some more before going on a long winding journey with the driver of a rented cab who time proved did not know the way to my in-laws' home in Ihube.
We did arrive at last and safely too. All this while I was dealing with some trepidation about how I would be received in the light of my posting of March 16, 2009. Guess what, the first person I saw when I got down from the cab was my spouse. Is this a coincidence or what?

Leaving my Children on their own

So much has happened since my last posting and I will try and fill you in on them all as I squeeze out some time from the grind that my recent days seem to be.
First is that I have been travelling since March 31 when I left Canada and my three angels - Sampi, Danju and Papa; on a trip to motherland to attend my father-in-law's funeral and do what every rational son-in-law is obligated to do especially as in my case, where the first child is my spouse. I have deliberately used the word 'spouse' instead of 'wife' partly because I live in a country where same gender marriage is legal and also because I choose not to offend any sensibilities.
I arrived Nigeria on April 1 (this is no fool's joke!) aboard a KLM flight and yes i almost forgot - after checking in on-line, I made a dash to the airport to check in my luggage so that I could hurry back to a school in Milton where Danju and his school team were locked in a gold medal basketball game for the town of Milton. We won!! It was good to see my boy with his medal and even better to hear him say that the championship banner is the first his school - St Anthony of Padua was getting and it would be displayed in the school's gym. Way to Go!!
So I quickly drove home with Danju and on getting home, parked the car, got a cab and headed for the airport for the KLM flight to Nigeria.
It's been very emotional for me since that day because I had to leave my kids on their own some twenty-three hours away by air (that's about what it takes from Canada to Nigeria inclusive of some modest lay over time at any transit point).
Part of what I have had to do daily since April 1 is to give them a wake up call at 6.30am EST so they are not late for school. I then send a text message daily at 3.05pm EST when Sampi and Papa would have walked in through the door and again at about 4.30pm EST when Danju whose school is farther away would have been dropped off by the school bus. My lasy daily contact is about 9.oopm EST when I nudge them to turn of the central heater (yes it's still kinda cold -this is Canada!), turn on the alarm system, switch off all lights and go to bed.
When I mentioned leaving my kids on their own, I hope I did not alarm you. I may be everything but being irresponsible is not one of them. Those who know me can vouch for me I hope.Sampi is almost seventeen, Danju is fourteen and Papa will be twelve soon. I had had a chat with them and they assured me it was okay for me to make the trip and that they would be fine.
Talking of being fine, my Sampi has been outstanding in Math this year in school, thanks to some home tutoring by a specialist teacher we got for her. With an average in the top 90s, you can appreciate my excitement.If you don't I ask you to forgive me.
On a sad note, on that same fateful March 31, a senior in Sampi's high school lost his life on Highway 401 when he appeared to have lost control of the car he was driving and rammed the side railing hitting the overpass in the end. He was pronounced dead on the scene. May his soul rest in peace. I can only imagine the grief in his family and to know that he had just a few days earlier been offered admission into a university. Painful indeed.